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Deny, deny, and counter accuse

5/24/2018

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When my children were younger and would get in a squabble their uncle, my brother, use to have a sort of humorous response to their blaming each other and would say “deny, deny, and counter-accuse”. He is retired military and at the time was active in the military and I am sure had experienced his fair share of this kind of reaction to the blame game. While the response of deny, deny, and counter-accuse may not be as popular the one it probably came from is, “admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter-accusations”.

If there was ever a time to evaluate society as buying into the is quote, it is now. Though I could make the argument it has always been a part of society when you read the headlines now, you cannot get through a publication or social media site that does not have this sentiment flowing through its veins. In light of the recent violence in schools, the cry for the government to control guns, the debate to arm teachers, and the overall cry for the government to do something, one can see this sentiment play out. Have we really become the society that is not willing to admit our part in this horrendous situation? Is it really the government's job to protect the people from themselves?

These are important questions and ones that should be really considered before we consider solutions to the current societal violence. We cannot really determine the right courses of action until we understand our personal responsibility in all of these societal issues. It isn’t just in the events of school violence but economic issues and many of the other issues we clamor for the government to fix. While the government may need to a part in fixing the issues, we first must look at ourselves to see if maybe we need to be the starting point.

Evil exists and our denial that it is real has come at a great price. In the battle to remove religion from schools and the public sector, we have given evil the ability to grow and divide and conquer. Most people can recognize evil but refuse to call it what it is and refuse to get in there and be part of the front line in conquering it. We will call the security officer in the school in Florida a coward and I agree he should have done all he could to save lives even at the sacrifice of his as his position required, but there is a more foundational level that he should have been willing to give his life for another because they are another person. It is this foundational level many have lost. We aren’t willing to sacrifice to get into the battle and fight evil either. We think removing guns rids the evil – it does not. Evil does not play with the rules we establish or think are right or just. Evil ignores boundaries and plays by its own rules.

We are often too busy squabbling about racial, economic, morality legislation, and what the government needs to do about fixing the problem to get in there and make a difference. We are cowering on the edge, afraid to jump in, and be willing to sacrifice our time, resources, perceived image, and what it takes to bring society back from the edges. We don’t want to acknowledge that people pull triggers. And while this is not an article to support gun rights it is an article to consider the source.

As a society, we have the responsibility to treat others with respect and look for ways to help others. This help should come from us and not through the government. We should not abdicate the responsibility and power we have to the government when it comes to making society better and pushing evil back from the lands it has conquered and the ones it is encroaching on. We have to quit thinking everyone has to think the way we do or being over emotional about things that don’t go our way. We need to quit acting like spoiled children who have been blessed with so much without understanding the cost of the life we lead. With this being said we need to understand our success as a society or nation is on each individual. If we are not happy with racial tension then quit adding to it. Every person can make a difference. We need to realize that society we desire is not one that just happens or that government creates. It is one we create by accepting responsibility, admitting our faults, and being willing to fix our problems, definitely not the “admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter-accusations” way of thinking.
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If we are to reconquer the land and emotional space evil has conquered it will be by loving our neighbor as ourselves and knowing that our neighbor is all those around us. Reach out by reaching into you and determining what you can do to help. The government needs to protect our country from forces outside of our borders that seek to do us harm but heaven help us if we now ask them to protect us from ourselves.
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An Elephant never forgets and a leader should not either

8/2/2017

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5 Things a Leader Should Always Remember 

Elephants are amazing animals. According to Diana Reiss and her colleagues at Emory University in Atlanta, as posted in an article in Scientific American, when it comes to intelligence "elephants are right up there with dolphins, apes, and humans" and "like the other mammals in that exclusive circle are the only animals to recognize their reflections in a mirror". There is a lot of research to point to the truth in the statement and elephant never forgets. Now while I am sure never may be a bit strong, the article in Scientific American goes on to say, "Remarkable recall power, researchers believe, is a big part of how elephants survive. Matriarch elephants, in particular, hold a store of social knowledge that their families can scarcely do without, according to research conducted on elephants at Amboseli National Park in Kenya." This intellect and memory serve to keep their herds safe, strong, and moving forward. 

Like the elephant, there are key things a Leader should remember to keep those within their sphere of influence safe, strong, and moving forward. 

Remember the beginning. A leader should remember what it feels like to start a new job, a new position, or a new stage of life. Often leaders get to a point where they have passed many of these milestones and so they become commonplace. They should not become commonplace but a common ground with others. The fear, the excitement, the unknowing that others feel needs to be understood and part of a relatable factor of those around you. Giving those around you grace and understanding in these circumstances helps provide connection and continuity as you and they progress. Every leader, no matter whether they are in their professional or personal life has had their share of new beginnings, difficult starts, and learning curves. Never forget this or what you can do to ease the way for others.

Remember who you lead. This seems like a trivial statement but it is one that is often overlooked. Knowing someone's name is important. Using their name and remembering who they are builds relationships. Beyond that, there are other things to remember. Leaders lead people – humans with strengths and weaknesses, professional and personal lives, friends and family. The people you lead are more than just a name they are a part of what you do and who you are. They can be a reflection of your best leadership or your worst attitude. Leaders can determine how well they are leading by watching and evaluating those around them. 

Remember to learn something new. It is important for leaders to acquire new skills. This can be done by reading, taking a class, or setting off on an adventure. Learning something new adds to who you are as a person and also allows you to keep in mind the feelings of going and growing into a new task or skill. The uncertainty, the happiness of learning something new as well as dealing with setbacks along the way that inevitably come when traveling in an unfamiliar or new territory. The people you lead experience these things as well and this will help you not only become a more well-rounded person but help you relate to those you have the opportunity to lead. 

Remember the balance. It is important to not only find a healthy work/life balance but to encourage those around you in their pursuit of it as well. It is often difficult to achieve but should still be sought. Leading is important but there are times when you may need to follow or even sit the sidelines and let those around you lead for a while. Regardless of whether you are active in the role of leader or are just leading by example, it is critical to not forget to try to keep perspective and balance. It will not only help you not experience frequent burnout but will allow you to help others in their pursuit of it as well. As a leader, the things you value are often reflected in those you lead. If your family and the time you take to spend with them is important this will allow others to embrace that as well. If you are a workaholic and spend every waking hour at the office this will not only be reflected in your personal life but in the personal lives of those around you as they will feel compelled to do the same. 

Remember to not miss the journey in pursuit of the goal. While leaders often chart a course for the goal or the next destination it is critical to not miss the journey between the two points. Often leaders get so wrapped up in checking the check boxes, staying on target, and making the metrics matter, that they forget to appreciate the small things along the way. Taking time to encourage others, mentor, and show appreciation for the distance traveled are all important in becoming a great leader. 

Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." As a leader it important to remember you make an impact on those around you. Whether that impact is positive or negative depends much on your actions. As an elephant has a long memory so do the people we connect with and interact with on a daily basis. Remember to remember what is important and lead well. 

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The Breath of Leadership

7/3/2017

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​​When I was a little girl I used to love blowing dandelions when they had turned white and fluffy. It was fun to watch the little seeds be propelled by me blowing on them and then watching them be caught by the wind in carried off. I remember one time I was enjoying this activity when and an adult told me to "Stop doing that, don't you know you will just spread them even more!" I was kind of stunned at their reaction. I thought more of these would be quite nice but after that time, I was more cautious about when and where I enjoyed this activity. I made sure I was in a field where it would not matter if there were more of them. I made sure I wasn't standing on someone's lawn. 

The fascination of watching the effect I had on the dandelion puff and knowing it would aid in creating other dandelions was a memorable summertime activity. Following the seeds, as they took flight on the breeze and traveled in different directions was the highlight. 

Through a simple act of blowing on this tenacious little flower other dandelions are created. A good leader's actions should be similar. A goal of leadership should be to create other leaders. Many times those in leadership feel it is their goal to keep good employees under their watchful eye and not encouraged them to go forward and become leaders as well. A good leader should not fear other leaders growing among their group. They should encourage it!

In today's world, leadership is a much-used term. There is a need for strong, good, and able leaders throughout the business world, politics, and other aspects of life. The shortage in these kinds of leaders is more due to fear and selfishness from some leaders in their pursuit to build their own kingdom instead of developing other kingdoms. The word develop means to, "grow or cause to grow and become mature, advanced, or elaborate." The world needs leaders that develop other leaders. The world needs leaders that will blow encouragement, training, and experience across others so they can become leaders as well. Leadership is about giving to others and their community and creating other leaders. These new leaders are not clones of the original leader, but leaders with their own special talents that are able to carry their skills to new places, bloom where they are planted, and then breathe the breath of leadership across others. 

Sometimes the simple activities of blowing across a flower puff can help create life in a new location, the breath of great leadership should do the same.

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    Natalie Dyess is the Founder and Lead Trainer of Intrinsic Echo. She believes all students need to learn and practice communication skills. 

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